Ila Sundstrom
Let’s be honest, there is something about dressing up for Halloween that activates all the neurons in our monkey brains. This is a scientifically proven fact that I made up, and so we inevitably find ourselves in the same situation year after year.
How do I get a costume without going broke?
Now, if life was fair, good Halloween costumes would be available to all, free just like the Constitution promises. You could have that movie quality bling you always dreamed of and still have both your kidneys when you put it on for the first time.
But unfortunately, life isn’t fair, and where did that lead you? To me of course, and boy, am I glad to be of service. I have been dressing up since I was a wee lad, and after watching my mother scour through countless stores for affordable yet stylish outfits over the years, it is my honor to impart that knowledge to you, dear reader.
Keep it simple, stupid.
Yes, I did just quote Dwight from “The Office,” and for good reason. He was right. As far as Halloween costume prices go, the simpler the better. A costume is a vessel for your vision of what you want to be. It does not require the flash and pomp of Hollywood to accomplish this goal. Focus on the major features of what you want to dress up as, what comes to mind when you close your eyes. Once you know what those are, then it’s time to buy.
Example: the cowboy. Major features: hat, boots, vest, belt. Boom. Costume ideas down, time to kiss my savings goodbye.
Thrift through the streets, Halloween cheats.
With the main idea of your costume locked in your noggin, we come to the hard part of the process: buying. Now, before you go gleefully sprinting through costume stores, you need to first set a budget. Each of us has different concepts of “cheap” but I believe that $45-50 is a solid hard ceiling to work with, especially considering the places I will be taking you.
That in mind, let’s get started… by avoiding costume shops. Yes, you read that right. Don’t go into Spirit Halloween or other places like it. They know you are a captive audience and are content to rip you off with pricey wares.
Instead, we begin at the greatest of all on-a-budget-costume-shops: Goodwill. Each year, second hand costumes and other thrifty items find their way into the store, perfect for us to capitalize on. Be it nice suits or a Darth Vader mask, you can most likely find whatever it is you want at Goodwill for $20 and under. Quite the steal if you ask me. Oh, and let us not forget the neat little odds and ends Goodwill has that you could acquire. But beware: if you spend too long looking, before you know it, you will have bought far more than you need.
Now, sometimes things just don’t work out, and Goodwill might not have what you are looking for. That’s fine, we may have to go to Spir…
[Scary thunder noises and whispers]
No. You don’t mean…
[More scary thunder noises and whispers]
Very well, mysterious, spooky third party. I will tell them.
When Goodwill fails, there is one place you could go. A place your parents warned you never to go to after dark, a place where the souls of late Halloween shoppers and the tormented costumeless go when the grim reaper calls: Walmart.
[More scary thunder noises]
Yes, I recommend that you check out Walmart on your costume crusade. While not as cheap as Goodwill and featuring quite a few more odd people — I once saw a man drinking wine out of a Pringles can — you can find many a costume item here, before even looking at their actual Halloween section. Surprisingly enough, they have quite a selection to choose from, and, might I add, their Halloween section actually has some unique items to grab.
Cardboard, oh how I love thee.
With your wallet a few bucks lighter, you are now ready to enter the final, arguably most fun part of the costume grind: making your own accessories.
And guess what we are using?
Cardboard! Yay!
Cardboard is God’s gift to mankind. With the help of some duct tape, spray paint and scissors, you can make just about anything with it — tridents, swords, cat ears, etc. — and can dispose of it easily when the holiday passes. Time to go down to your residential college’s basement and art room and activate your inner creator, readers.
Or just ask that one arts major friend we all have to do the work for us. Do we know their name, no. Are we going to profit from their skills while calling them “old sport” and other terms that hide our lacking familiarity, yes.
Because that’s the Yale way.
Well, there you have it. My job is done, and you, beloved audience, are ready to set about the time honored tradition of budget Halloween-ing. Best of luck, spooksters. Who knows, by the end of this you might have a really great costume worth saving for years to come.